By Jennifer Miotke
In my opinion, the most important thing to consider when dating over 40 is kids, kids, kids. Do you have them? Do you want them? Do you want to avoid them?
No surprise that gender matters.
Women over 40, who still hope to have children, might consider dating men already with kids, because they give them the option of being a stepmom. It’s true that women are having babies later in life these days; but men rarely choose to start a relationship with someone in the high-risk category when it comes to reproduction. If he wants kids, given the choice to date you or a 28-year-old, he’s probably going to go with the younger woman.
When it comes to wanting to find a co-parent, men over 40 aren’t immune from discrimination. Many women who are in their early 30s don’t want to date someone who wants to have a baby right away. There are also studies showing that children fathered by older men have a higher incidence of birth defects and that the mother’s age isn’t the only contributing factor.
Be cautious if you find a 40-something man who says he can “take or leave” kids. I know these guys. Why is he still confused at his age? If he isn’t sure, he may be indecisive – or lost. Wouldn’t you rather date an older man who is not confused?
If you’re a man in your 40s, here’s a newsflash: The vast majority of women in their 20s don’t want to date you. They think you’re old – and, if they want to date you, it’s for your money or they’re tired of men around their age not asking them on actual dates. If you’re able to convince a wonderful young woman down, then congratulations! Go hire a trainer and make lots of money because it’s likely you’re going to have to stay young forever. You’ll also need to buy her things to keep her from noticing – and leaving you for – men her age that are successful and mature.
Several of you will date women in their 20s still party all the time. (Maybe you forget that you used to as well – because it has been over a decade…) Date within a decade of your age range – or accept the fact that much-younger women usually lead to a lot of stress and, if you want to stay in good physical shape, a full-time personal trainer.
If you’re a man who already has kids, do you know if want more babies or not? Remember that you are over 40, not 25 – and you need to have made a decision on this before you start dating anyone. Please don’t say it’s open to discussion – you need to be 100% sure. Do the math – how old will you be when they graduate from high school? Can you afford the expense? You say you want to date younger, because you want hot, young, vulnerable girls – who probably still don’t know what they want to be with they grow up.
It’s better for you to date a woman over 30 who knows how to behave at social gatherings. If she doesn’t have babies yet, and you do, you may have to give her one. You can also date a woman right around your age that already has kids. That woman is dying to date someone like you.
The moral of the story is that you are over 40 and you can’t date like when you were a clueless 20-something anymore. Pick a lane, make it a logical one, and then go for it.